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Shave Your Head: Give Your Balding Hair the Finger

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He started off with matted bangs and ended up like this.
See all 3 photos
He started off with matted bangs and ended up like this.

You are not fooling anyone when you try to turn your pathetic wisps of hair into a full hairdo. You look insecure, you look like crap, and you could look a hell of a lot better.

Five Ineffective Ways to Hide Baldness
There is no greater demonstration of desperation than when a man adopts one or more of these five baldness camouflaging techniques.

Matted Bangs
In response to a receding hairline many Low Value Male grow long bangs then combs them straight down to conceal their expanding forehead. Lame.

The Comb Over
Folks, two foot long strands of sideburns that you’re combing over your head is not fooling anyone. If you think being bald is bad, being the guy with the comb over is a hundred times worse.

Yeah...much better than bald.
Yeah...much better than bald.

The Cotton Candy Fro
This is when you fluff up your thinning wisps to make your hair look thicker. Sorry folks, you just look like Don King. A bald Don King.

The Pony Tail
Oh GOD Why? Looking like a 70’s hippy even with a full head of hair is an ill advised social disgrace. People will know you are balding. At first they’ll wonder why on earth you would choose a pony tail. Then one day they’ll see right through the banjo string tight cords you’re tying back.

The Hat
Look folks. Come spring the cul desacs are full of women walking around with jumbo sized fleeces tied around their waists. They think they’re hiding their monstrous asses but everybody knows exactly what they’re up to.

Wearing a hat when you are balding is the same damn thing. Unless you’re on the ball field, a grown man in a baseball cap is undeniably lame. Wearing a knit cap when you aren’t cold is just stupid. Wearing a hat 24/7 is just weird. People will notice. People will assume you are bald. People will know you are a sniveling coward.

The only time you should be wearing that hat is if you’re to keep the sun from frying your exposed dome, or if you are trying to keep icy wind off it. Once you get inside a building the hat should come off.

It's pretty cool being me.
It's pretty cool being me.

Shave Your Head and Stop Being a Candy Ass

The balder you are, the shorter your hair should be. It took a couple of years, but now I shave my own head down to a 1 setting on my razor. The only way to go shorter is with shaving cream and a razor. 

Some of the benefits of shaving your head.

Demonstrates High Self Esteem
You never needed that traitorous hair and you can make it just fine in the world without it.

You Will Look Better
Shaving your head is one thousand times more flattering than any of the half assed baldness camouflaging methods mentioned above. 

No Bad Hair Days
You will have a consistent look that is not dependent on your ability to keep you hair under control. 

Saves Time
No more hair drying, combing, brushing or spritzing with hair spray. 

You’ll Look Younger
You heard me. Shaving your head makes you look younger.

Shaved Heads Are Cheaper
You should be able to keep your head shaven on your own. That means you will save the cash that would have been going to your barber as well as the money you have been spending on hair products all your life.

Be objective. Keeping those pathetic wisps on your head is the equivalent of the toddler carrying around a blanky. Its only purpose is to reduce your anxiety while at the same time making you look childishly foolish. If you’re worried about people’s opinions, consider this. Would you rather be seen as the guy who went bald and doesn’t give a shit or the balding guy who thinks he’s gong to fool the word by combing around a couple of wisps. You aren’t fooling anyone. Not yourself, not your family and not that hottie who lives in the apartment across the hall. By the way, she is starting to wonder why you are always wearing a cowboy hat.

Comments

Jody Rivers 6 months ago

Sometimes a shaved head looks better than balding on certain men. However, a lot of guys look really good with some hair as long as they keep it short and neat. Then there are others like Larry David who sport the power donut, and he looks fine. Let's face it, not every balding guy looks suddenly amazing when he decides to shave his head. Sometimes just being comfortable in your own skin and possessing self confidence can be incredibly attractive, regardless of hair style.

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